Sunday, January 11, 2009

Overwhelming Grief

One of my writing prompt blogs recently asked the following question:
What one moment in your past do you wish was immortalized in a photograph?

My answer would be the weekend of January 8th, 2005, because I did not know my baby sister would be dead by January 11th.

We had the most wonderful weekend together - she actually sent the night at my house and we watched vampire movies and talked all weekend. My hubby even arranged for her to see "Dark Side of the Rainbow" - which is basicallly watching "The Wizard of Oz" and listening to Pink Floyd's "Dark Side of the Moon". She had never done that, so my hubby surprised her on Saturday night.

Monday morning, I helped her get enrolled for her spring semester in nursing school. Tuesday she was dead, at age 39, of a heart attack.

My life has never been the same. It has been 4 years today, and I still think of my sister every single day. Some days are better than others, but some days are just pure hell.

We have family Christmas photos from a few weeks before her death, but I wish we had thought to take pictures of that wonderful weekend.

Today has been an extremely hard day for me. I thought grief was supposed to lessen after time, but I miss my sister as much today as I did the day she died. I've spent most of my day writing, but much of what I've written has taken a very dark turn, so I probably won't be sharing it here, or on my writing blog.

I just need to get through today with my sanity intact.


Natalie said...

I am sorry. I lost a friend of mine, who was like a brother to me, a year ago in February. I still think of him almost every day, and wish he was here so I can tell him whatever it is that has reminded me of him. I do not know if grief goes away, or gets better with time. I can't imagine losing my sister. She is 10 years younger than I am, and we have had our ups and downs, but we are close. I wish I could make you feel better. :(

Julia Smith said...

((hugs)), Bobbi.

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